The Trials and tribulations of a Swingers Party Host

Why is it that sometimes things just fail to go right?

This year we have had 2 parties, after years of running parties you would expect that things would go as smooth as clockwork - you think wrong.

January.
We have the party booked, 40+ people have told us they are coming. The day before our oil burning furnace dies. We have a 400m2 (4000 sqare foot) house to heat, with outdoor temperatures of about 2C.

We manage to get 4 calor gas heaters running, plus another 4 electric fires running and the aircon switched to heat mode.

Next problem - we live in Spain, and Spanish Electrical systems are temermental at the best of times.

We can run a limited number of devices, 4 heaters plus aircon was taking us to the edge, as soon as we turned the cooker on - bang - the breakers all pop. OK. Turn off heat, do the cooking, turn heaters back on. Next we have guests arriving (30 minutes early) wanting coffee, so we turn the coffee machine on. Whoops no lights, trace the wiring back, melted wiring (Spanish circuitry) replace circuit with a temporary bypass, turn on and - yep, you got it, bang go the breakers - so off go a few heaters, coffee machine on coffee made, off with machine, on with heaters. That's how it went all night.

The week after the party we replace the furnace, 3rd in 4 years! and its only used for 4 months a year.

February.
OK we have heat. we also have a portable Spa. Honorable Chinese Instructions say 4 hours to heat. OK its all in place filled with warm water in plenty of time before the party. Towels all laid out, rest of house ready for the party, except the cooking.

Spa cooling rather than warming. so we turn heater to full, and off the breakers go again. heat spa or cook? So its heat awhile, cook awhile... Then people decide to get into Spa. Naked feet, damp floor, shocks!

Spanish electrics again! This house is only 8 years old. The wiring is mostly 2.5mm 3 core with proper circuit breakers. The trouble is, Spanish electricians have their own wiring system. Why waste that pretty green and yellow cable on earth, we can use that to carry a live line to the lights! Or lets use blue as live for this sector, now lets use brown, no brown left? OK use that bit of red!

We have now drained the Spa, and are moving it to another area of the property that I have wired. Its earthed. Its on its own circuit breaker. I will ignore the Chinese and start warming the water the night before.

I am sure something will go wrong in March. I will let you know.

Why Why Why?

What is it with single men in the swinging scene, do they have their manners removed before joining us?

There are so many single guys looking for fun that they have to compete to get selected by the couples and females.

Yet when they get an invitation to join the fun so many (not all I hasten to add, so don't fill my mailbox with denials) of them let the couple or female down.

OK. We all get nervous sometimes, we all get held up in traffic, suffer mechanical breakdowns, or simply get lost.

But guys, almost everyone of you must have seen that marvelous invention that allows you to communicate over long distances - the telephone! Many of you have a mobile version in your pocket, just call the people you are supposed to be meeting and let them know you are running late, or have lost your nerve or lost your way. We will be less pissed off with you if you let us know why you will not be meeting, than if you simply don't show.

We see complaints about these let downs almost everyday in the chatrooms on our sites, and have had it happen to us on a couple of occasions as well.

We have guys ringing and writing to us asking for invitations to our parties. These places are much sought after, as we only allow 2-3 guys per party. When we agree that a guy can come, they let us down 50% of the time. Every month we have at least 1 guy fail to show and fail to tell us they are not coming, fail to apologise afterwards, then call again the next month asking for another invitation!

So please guys, remember your manners, ring the people you are going to let down. They may let you re-book. If you don't you are likely to get a bad reputation and no invitations from any couples.

What Happens at a Swingers Party?

Over the last few years, swinging has become a talking point between people all over the western world. There are several questions that keep getting asked, and which is the topic of this post:

What happens at a swingers party?

The quick answer is of course, people have sex with strangers.

• The full answer is that people have a good night out, in an relaxing but sexually exciting environment, where they can live out their fantasies in safety.
• sometimes they have sex with strangers,
• sometimes they have sex with their own partners while other people watch
• maybe they watch while another couple have sex
• maybe the woman will play with other men or women while the husband watches
• maybe the man will play while the wife watches

Basically what goes on at a swingers party is whatever the guests at the party want to indulge in, as long as it is in agreement with the other guests.

At a party you will see:

• people naked, semi naked and fully dressed.
• people hin a sexually aroused state.
• people having sex with another person or group of people
• sometimes people having extreme sex involving bondage or sado-masochism
• people living life to the full and having fun

The most common format for a party is that upon arrival guests are relieved of their coats, offered a refreshment, and shown the facilities.

The hosts will introduce the guests to other people attending the party, shown all the playrooms, and given an explanation about what is allowed and not allowed in the different areas.

Most parties have a "safe" zone where people can sit and relax, knowing that they are not going to be touched, or see full on sexual activity whilst in that area.

The safe zone is where you chat to other people and decide if you want to go further and play in one of the rooms.

The other way to get involved in the action is to enter one of the playrooms when it is use, and make an approach.

• Remember if a playroom door is shut, it means don't enter
• If the door is open it means you may enter
• If while watching you think you would like to join in, move closer and touch the arm, leg or shoulder of the person you are interested in playing with
• If the person says no, moves away from you, or shakes their head, it means stop
• If the person says nothing, smiles at you, says yes, then you are invited to play.

When playing, remember that you should make sure your partner is also enjoying themselves, and that the partner of the person you are playing with is happy.

There are a few rules of engagement at parties, sometimes they are published on the websites of the party hosts (see http://www.ddparties.com/ ) sometimes the hosts take it for granted that the guests will know what is allowed and not allowed.

Put simply the most common rules are:

• No means No - if anyone says no when you ask, or attempt to join them, please respect them and retire. If you persist you will be asked to leave the party.
• No hard drugs. Most clubs and party hosts operate a no drugs policy. There are no drugs, with the exception of Viagra and Cialis that have any positive effects for boosting or helping sexual performance, most will actually have a negative effect on your sexual performance. It is also more fun to have a partner who is able to communicate coherently.
• Anyone found using "date rape" drugs, or dealing any drugs will be reported to the police.
  Go easy on the alcohol - a drunk is not an attractive swinging partner, and will impair your performance.
• No pressure - do not try to force anyone to do anything they don't want to do - not even your own partner. Agree before attending the party on what each of you is permitted to do at that event. This agreement can be changed before each party, but do not attempt to change the rules at the party, as this can lead to arguments and a bad atmosphere for the other guests.
• Open bedroom/playroom doors - invitation to others to join them in the room.
• Closed bedroom/playroom doors - please respect the privacy of people in the room - (closed doors are not a preferred action, as it reduces the amount of play areas for everyone).
• Cameras and camera phones and other audio and picture recording devices are not allowed.
• Be open minded - everyone is here for sex and fun. If that is not what you want - please don't attend.
• Don't stand in the bedrooms/playrooms and talk, this is very off-putting for everyone - its ok to watch, preferred if you join in. If you want to talk to someone please go to the lounge or kitchen area's.
• You should assume that the other person will want you to use a condom, always take a supply with you, as not all venues supply them, nor do all guests carry them.
• Always leave with the person you arrive with. We as hosts have had several ladies left behind without money or transport at the end of parties. It is unfair to expect the hosts to either transport, or pay the taxi fare to deliver abandoned partners back to their homes

So now you know. Talk it through with your partner, make sure you are both happy with what happens, and what you want to do at a party, and come along and join in the fun.

Interview with a Pervert!
The following is part 2 of an interview for an American magazine

Dirty-David, King of the swingersSwinging, you know how it works; middle aged, middle spread accountants, judges, politicians, military types, the local catholic priest and people from every other profession you can imagine meet in a suburban house, with their mixed assortment of wives and girlfriends, throw their car keys into a bowl, eat fondue, listen to the Moody blues, drink red wine, pull out a bunch of keys and get jiggy with the owner. Hoping they would pull the keys of someone else’s wife/husband!

This was the image of swingers (then known as wife swappers) portrayed during the seventies and eighties. Granted in the eighties the music got slightly better, but the clientele were perversely the same.

Now, Fast forward to the naughties, gone are the days of car keys in the bowl, no more wondering if the person you have written to from a small ad in a top shelf magazine is going to be fun to meet. Now everything is done at the speed of light.

David, of http://www.dirty-david.com/ a “straight” swinger since his teens in the late 1970´s was one of the pioneers of internet swingers contacts back in the mid 1990´s, and runs several of the largest swinger’s contact sites in the world. He explains that, “These days swinging is more about everyone having choice, you now choose exactly who you want to play with. One of the results of the sexual liberation over the last 30 years, is that women are very much the driving force behind the scene, what man in his right mind is going to turn down a wife’s suggestion that maybe having sex with another woman or couple could be fun?”David continues, “These days swingers clubs and private parties are to be found in almost every large town in Northern Europe, with more than 10% of the adult populations happily engaged in sexual encounters with people other than their life partner, all with their partner knowledge and consent and normally with their partner engaged in the same three some or four some with them

”Swinging is tolerated to different degrees throughout the western world. Never completely outlawed – where would the judge and chief of police go for fun if they shut the swingers clubs? – it has been underground for most of the last couple of hundred years.

Sexual freedoms first embraced by the Scandinavian countries followed by the Germans and Dutch have slowly crept their way through the whole of northern Europe and down to Spain and Italy. The Greeks – who with the Italians were for thousands of years, very liberated, is the least sexually open of the European countries.

The Dutch and German sexual scene is by far the most progressive, with an almost “anything goes” attitude to all sexual behaviours. Most of the other countries in Europe now accept both heterosexual and bi-sexual relationships as perfectly normal. A poll of sexual behaviour in the UK in September 2005 found that NEARLY 1.5 million British couples have tried swinging to spice up their sex lives, and nine million people, some 25% of UK adults, claim they would like to give it a go.

Swinging, no-strings sex with another individual or couple, once thought to be the preserve of broad-minded middle class couples has now become a mainstream social pastime and poll organisers claim the figures show swinging is becoming more widespread than ever. The survey found most people swing between the ages of 18 and 21 and throughout their 30s when marriage may have dulled their sex lives.

House parties are how most would like to try swinging but seasoned swingers use the internet to make contact.

Now, as we all know, a good party needs a really good host to make it swing (excuse the pun). That’s where David comes in. David moved to Spain in 2004, after several years running swingers parties in the UK. His web based swingers communities were kept well entertained before the move, and now many of them visit him in sunny España. Together with his partner Jo, they regularly invite site members and interested couples or singles from the Costa Blanca to their spacious home in the Spanish mountains.

The two met in 2000, when Jo was in an unhappy marriage, David’s best friend worked with Jo and was aware of her unhappiness in her sexless marriage. He told her a bit about David, and told her that he would know how to give her some fun at the weekend. Jo and David chatted on AOL messenger for a few days, and then David collected her to take her to one of his parties.

As Jo Explains, “I didn’t even know what swinging was, when David told me on AOL I didn’t really believe him, but because Paul had told me I could trust David I went along with him to this party. When I reached Davids house, his partners were busy transforming it from its normal look into a party house, his friends were all really friendly and made me feel right at home. When the guests started arriving I could see that David had not been joking, the girls were all dressed in sexy little bits of nothing, and even most of the guys had made an effort to be sexy”

This night was a real eye opener for Jo, “As the night continued, the house was packed with over 100 guests, the drinks were flowing, the sound of laughter and conversation filled the house. People were drifting upstairs and not coming back down for quite sometime. I took my drink and went into the pool room, and found there were quite a few people already swimming in the pool – naked. I decided to join them, and stripped off my clothes and swam to a corner of the pool to watch. Very soon there were couples having sex in the pool nearby, and others on the side of the pool. Soon David came and joined in the fun with one of the couples. He played with them for a while, and then swam over to me. He made sure I was happy, then said, “Well, this is the moment of truth” He pulled me to him, and started to kiss me, his hands exploring my body. I responded, and soon we were making love in the pool. Soon David stopped and suggested we move somewhere more comfortable. He took me to one of the beds beside the pool where we made love properly, with a few couples standing by watching us”

But Jos first night didn’t end there “After David and I were done, I decided to get a drink, and to see what else was going on. I was quickly joined by a couple, Connie and Mark, who asked me if I would like to go and play with them. I accepted their invitation, and was soon introduced to the joys of sex with another girl, as Connie showed me how much fun 2 girls can have together. I retired for another drink, and was quickly asked back upstairs by another couple. This time I was taken to Davids bedroom, and the door was left open (an open door in a club or party is an invitation to other people to enter and join in or watch) I played with the couple for a few minutes, but we were soon joined by several other people, with hands, pussies, cocks and mouths everywhere. It was a real eye opener, but fantastic fun. That night I had sex with more than 20 people, I have never had quite as much fun as that first night at subsequent parties, but it is still a source of fun and enhancement to our relationship”

Since that night, Jo and David eventually hooked up and became a couple and they have enjoyed themselves, and by their own admission, many others, at clubs, parties and private meetings with like minded people.

Once a party date has been set, and advertised on their various sites, or by David cheekily slipping business cards into ladies jean pockets, still hanging on rails in department stores, in between the pages of menus in restaurants, or in between the jars of coffee in the grocery store. People from all walks of life get in touch, and apply to attend. Each event is different, most are for just couples, and others for couples and single guys. Single women are always welcome. The one thing all parties have in common is that, rather than wait for the action to start, David and Jo are always keen to help get the proceedings underway.

There are understandably, lots of nerves on edge, even the hosts get goose bumps before a party night. Not knowing who of the applicants will bottle it, who will want to play with who, and will the mix be right. It usually is. Not all applicants are accepted, there is a vigorous vetting process. This basically involves whether Jo, who is bi sexual, NOT bi curious, likes the look of you or not. With Jo, interested males beware, visit her site, http://www.gojojogo.com/, and you will be greeted with the knowledge that she likes to have several men at a time and doesn’t care for men who only last five minutes. One guest, who went for the sprint option, rather than the marathon, admitted to Jo that he had never been able to cum twice. Not the sort of thing you should tell a woman like Jo. Let’s just say, he found out something new about himself that evening.

Of course there are pitfalls to the swinging scene, it’s not for everyone. Some try it and don’t get on with it at all. As David puts it, “you have to set your own boundaries. Before you attend a party, be sure of what you want from it, and how far you are willing to go”. The main problem can be jealousy. Even Jo admits that she gets green eyes at times; David has no such problems, but understands that it can happen. At one party, a couple who had been enjoying themselves suddenly fell out because the male in the equation went too far and played with another couple without his wife being present, this transgressed the rules that they had set before coming to the party, and left her feeling cheated.

The basic rules of engagement are, firstly, NO means NO, only party with people who you are attracted to, and who are attracted to you. Respect your partners’ wishes, and remember that swinging is not cheating. Both members of a couple should be up for it. Talk it through thoroughly before even looking at the various sites on the web, and above all be honest. Oh, and one last thing on the etiquette front, what goes on in the house, between consenting adults, stays in the house. There is only one place for a wagging tongue at a swinger’s party, preferably between Jo´s thighs!

Think about it, sex with lots of different people, no sneaking around behind your partners’ back, in fact, you will probably be lying next to them, instead of lying to them. So who has it right, you decide. For now, swingers of the world, we wish you multiple pleasures with multiple partners, resulting in multiple, oh you know the rest.

For more information on swinging in general have a look at this information site http://www.what-is-swinging.com/, or to find out what David and Jo have been up to, and parties for the future, log on to http://www.dirty-david.com/ and link to their other sites from there.

Interview with a Pervert Part 1

This is part 1 of a 2 part posting. The article is for an American magazine.
This is the question and answer session.

Hello David, how are you doing today?
I am good thanks, enjoying the sunshine here in Spain.

So, can you tell me a little bit about your websites?
My websites all have a common theme, helping people interested in the swinging lifestyle meet other interested people so that they can have sex with each other. We offer as much as we can for free (most stuff) and charge a Premium membership for people who want the full bells and whistles.

Is this a full time job for you, or do you have another profession?
I retired from work in 1999 when I was 45. At first I bummed around travelling the world, exploring the women in as many countries as I could, then decided I would turn my hobby of creating swingers sites into a business. I developed http://www.dirty-david.com/ from a picture site (of me playing with other mens wives, with a few swingers ads) into a swingers contact site. It quickly grew, and by mid 2000 I had over 20,000 adverts, all hand edited by me. I managed to automate the site, but it continued to grow and grow. By 2003 my software was beginning to fail under the strain. I was lucky, and a company who had developed some dating software was looking for other markets for its software approached me and suggested joining forces. The site now has over 1.6 million swingers profiles, and is growing at about 1100 new users every day.

Tell us a little bit about Jo?
Jo is my wife - we got married on 30th August 2006 in Gibraltar - I met her through my best friend in England, asked her to come to one of my parties, and we have been having fun together pretty much ever since. Initially we were just friends who went to parties together, but after her divorce in 2001 we started seeing more of each other. We saw so much of each other in fact that I postponed a 6 month trip to Australia in the summer of 2001 to stay with her for a few weeks when she moved into her new house. We have never been apart since then. Jo is a bi-sexual swinger, who loves sex with men and girls. I love to join in the fun, but I also love to watch her with other people and to take photographs for her exhibitionist site and for the walls in our basement playroom.

So what exactly is "Swinging?"
Swinging is different things to different people, but the basic concept is that consenting adults have sex with other consenting adults as long as they are all happy, and are only doing what they want to do. We do not encourage people to play away from their life partner without their knowledge, as it will probably lead to divorce. There are however many singles playing in the scene with their partners knowledge, where for one reason or another the non playing partner does not want to join in.

Can you tell us about your travels in Europe? What locations and establishments do swingers visit?
The best cities for sex in Europe are Amsterdam and Hamburg, both of which have many clubs, and a very open and liberal attitude to sexual behaviour. There are also many swinging clubs in every capital city and every large town will have either a club for swingers, or private swingers parties every weekend. Cap d`Adge in France is a large naturist area which caters for swingers as well. The club which consistently wins the award for best swingers club is Fun4Two just outside the little dutch town of Gouda. Jo and I like to visit there as often as we can.

Tell us about Germany? Are German swingers into all sorts of crazy stuff? We've heard stories about the Germans.
Yes, the Germans are full of crazy stuff. Back in 2004 we accepted an affiliate application from a German film distributor. They added the ads section to their site and we started getting loads of new members within a couple of days. We soon had to pull the account, the Germans were all interested in sex with animals! The film club had not told me that their biggest selling titles were all about sex with animals.

Are you looking to encourage new swinging couples?
Our mission in life is to encourage everyone to give swinging a go. Age(over 18), looks and weight are not an issue, as there are always other people looking for people like you. We use our sites to offer advice and information to new comers so that they know what to expect when the do meet up with someone, or decide to visit a club.There are now many swingers sites apart from mine which cater specifically for senior swingers (people over 60), cuddly swingers (larger people) bareback swingers (no condoms) Christian swingers (non conformist Christians) inter-racial swingers (love the contrast of colours) and many more. If you are looking for a niche, do a search, you will find it. If not, write to me, I will create it....

Are there any differences in the sex laws that you have noticed between different European countries?
Since most countries in Europe are now members of the European Union, their national laws have been by-passed by European law. Within this is the human rights charter which means that the state (and employers) are not allowed to interfere with a persons sexual life. This means that sexual activity between adults is now a private matter which the state cannot stop. They still have laws to protect Children, and animals (though the german authorities seem to turn a blind eye to this area).

What did you do on your trip to Amsterdam? Did you visit any of the famous strip clubs? Did you take part in the red light district?
Our trips to Amsterdam are for the swingers clubs, rather than the red light district. The joy of being a swinger is that you get to have sex with hundreds of people of the opposite sex, without the need to pay. So the red light district is a fun place to walk and look at the sex workers in their windows, but not somewhere we spend our money. The strip clubs are fun as well, as its always fun to watch an expert remove their clothes in an erotic way.We try out a new swingers club on each visit, and go back to Fun4Two on another night. We have met many nice people from all over the world at these clubs and would recommend a visit to all of you.

What is the largest swing session that you have attended? What was that like?
The largest swinging session we have attended was at Fun4Two in Holland. Its a great atmosphere with people from all over the world out to have a great night. We have performed live on stage in their mini theatre, had sex in the Jacuzzi with a dozen others, had an orgy in their orgy room, and enjoyed watching dozens of people have sex together in the various play rooms. The great thing is, everyone is there for fun, so there is virtually no drunkenness, no drugs, no fighting, and everyone goes home tired but satiated.

What is the best thing about your partner Jo?
She always loves me, and always comes back to me, no matter who we play with, or what we do. That plus her open-ness, her willingness to try new things and her friendliness towards, and ability to get on with everyone we meet.

The UK is a wonderful place. Is there something you can tell us about the UK that most North Americans wouldn't know?
I dont have time to write a book..... But.... Jo being Canadian has come up with a couple things. The UK is a modern country, its the worlds 4th biggest economy despite being such a small country. Until the early 20th Century it ruled the biggest empire the world has ever known, with more than a quarter of the world and half its people ruled from London. The streets are not paved with cobblestones, women do not walk around in hats. The computer, the steam engine, the telephone, jet engines and hovercraft were all British inventions, and that Japanese research in 2000 discovered that more than half of the inventions in the 20th Century came from the UK. The queen has no political power, we are ruled by an elected parliament, the queen is a figurehead with less power than your president.

What was the swinging 60s? We hear stories, but I'd rather hear from Dirty David.
Well I am sorry, but I really cannot answer that - I was only 14 in 1970, so apart from enjoying seeing girls in very short skirts, I was not involved.

Well, it has been great chatting with you. Do you have anything to say to our readers?
If you are a single guy - dont look at swinging as a free shag - the women are there to please themselves, not you. You are one in thousands, almost all single guys want to be in the scene, but as a result you have to be something special to stand out from the crowd.
If you are a single woman, you will be welcomed with open arms. Although there are millions of single women involved in the scene around the world, they tend not to advertise, but browse adverts and pick the "outstanding" guys and couples to meet. Single women tend to fall into 3 groups:
Young late teens, early 20s. These girls are tired of the fumbling and inexperience of guys their own age, and use the swinging scene to find older more experienced guys who are more likely to know what they are doing, and hopefully to give the girl the pleasure she desires.
Mid 20-mid 40´s. These women are often married and cheating. Their husbands are working all day every day, come home too tired to have sex, and leave the women who are in their prime sexually living a lonely frustrated life. These women have the time, the access to the internet, and the sexual need, and millions of them are prowling the internet looking for decent guys for NSA (no strings attached) sex all day every day.
Mid 40s upwards. These ladies are either divorced or widows, but still needing regular sex. They are more likely to want to form a relationship than just meet for sex. So be warned. If you are a couple, you will find that you will be welcomed in clubs and private parties all over the world. Just remember to be clean, polite, and stick to the house rules.

Thanks for your time.
You're welcome, its been a pleasure. Now, can I interest you in coming to a swingers party?